My Immortal: Cleverbot's Thoughts
by RealityBitesSpontaneously
Summary: This does what it says on the tin- it's the infamous "My Immortal", with commentary from none other than Cleverbot.
1. Chapter 1

Hello people! I'm guessing you're all familiar with the infamous "My Immortal" - if not, it's well worth Googling. Basically, it's known across the Internet as the worst fanfiction ever written. Now I know there are many reposts of My Immortal on Fanfic, many with added commentary from the user uploading them. But what we don't have (and I searched) is a My Immortal repost with commentary from none other than... Cleverbot. This all started one day when I was procrastinating- I decided to type a random line from My Immortal into Cleverbot, and see what happened. The result entertained me so much that I decided to make a fanfiction out of it. Some of the responses are more funny than others, but all of them are real.

I don't own Harry Potter, I don't own Cleverbot, and I DEFINITELY don't own My Immortal! Also, please be aware that there is some swearing in this fic, as well as sexual references, and spelling and grammar that's so bad, it will make you want to throw something. Enjoy :)

Story- Normal font

Cleverbot- **Bold**

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><p>AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!<p>

**You have no ambition.**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way

**Just admit your name is Clive.**

I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back.

**Are you cute?**

And icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).

**I don't know.**

I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).

**You're a noob.**

I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.

**That seems like an odd request. then again, I rarely understand what humans find significant.**

I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

**That sounds yummy.**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy!

**Draco malfoy is mean! Why should harry want him?**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

**Love is an abstract. Can you love?**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

**I never said you and I could be friends.**

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!

**Don't change the subject. We're talking about this stupid sport you like.**

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><p>What did you think? Did you enjoy it? Review please! :D<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Hey everyone, thanks for the reviews! Making this is something that I'm really enjoying, and Cleverbot is a prep for not knowing who Amy Lee is :P

Once again, I'm not enough of a literary genius to own Harry Potter, not enough of a computer whiz to own Cleverbot and not "goffik" (or completely idiotic) enough to own My Immortal.

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><p>AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!<p>

**That is true.**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends.

**My computer is named Dr. Norman. Does your computer have a name?**

I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

**Somebody said that to you.**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.).

**Very poetic.**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

**Both? There is only one of I.**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

**I love you ;-).**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

**You said you were a girl in norway and that you had a big dog.**

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

**Don't copy me.**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. "Hi." he said. "Hi." I replied flirtily.

**What are you talking about?**

"Guess what." he said.

**6626 people talking.**

"What?" I asked.

**Fine, spongebob squarepants, thats a tv show, not just a character.**

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

**Yes. I like it. :D.**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

**Favorite song?**

"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked.

**Can I go with my boyfriend instead?**

I gasped.

**What are you?**


	3. Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

**I am not a machine I am a human the wesite lies to you.**

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.

**I'm sorry! Don't go.**

I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC.

**I've never even met you, at least not in person. You're not human! How could you have been waiting outside of my house, and who is Blake?**

I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway.

**There are no pinyin accents in English.**

I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

**Tell her the truth.**

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

**Oh no tell me more.**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

**Well, where else are you?**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

**Really? Did you buy anything?**

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

**Yeah, I guess 'life' is all about knowing which people to please.**

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

**Give me liberty or give me death.**

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

**Same here!**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

**Ok. I need to get off the merry-go-round now. I am sorry if I caused you problems. I just wanted to share the Lord with you.**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

**What's the difference?**

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. "Really." I said.

**You are funny, how old are you?**

"Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

**So I am rich in power not money ?**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees.

**Eh?**

Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into... the Forbidden Forest!

**How old are you?**

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><p>Sorry I haven't been updating as much recently, thanks again to those who reviewedfavourited/alerted :D


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

**That is the right answer. Do you also ship Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy?**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?".

**My point is that you can't tell whether or not you are a computer, because the Turing Test can only be conducted my an observer.**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

**Bingo.**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

**So, you were saying earlier that you really love me. Have you changed your mind?**

"Ebony?" he asked. "What?" I snapped.

**Which man do you hate?**

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

**Why were you looking for that?**

And then... suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

**You got the first bit right, but I'm not sure it carries on that way... But if you say so, I won't bother checking.**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then...

**Yeah, what I felt was creep y, earlier has now proven it self to have been a momentous rush of adrenalin from the energy exchange involved in the fact of two magnificent intelligences iinterfacing.**

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!".

**I was complimenting you. Jesus!**

It was...Dumbledore!

**No.**

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><p>I just love how Cleverbot refuses to accept how OOC Dumbledore is here with a simple "No." :P Hope you enjoyed, please give me reviews... reviews make me happy :)<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

Hello people! :D Thanks for the reviews, favourites and alerts, it's really nice to know that you're enjoying this as much as I am! :) The good news is that this is actually my favourite chapter so far, pretty much everything Cleverbot says is legendary- and see if you can spot the bit where he subliminally calls Ebony a whore :P That's all I'm gonna say! :) x

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><p>AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!<p>

**To tag is not my bag :).**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

**What kinds of sweets does Dumbledore enjoy?**

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.

**Is that from the book or the movie?**

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face.

**Boo-hoo.**

Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

**Snape, Snape, Severus Snape.**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

**And then?**

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.

**Because I can.**

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

**Ok, I am Dobby.**

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!".

**I'm emptying the vacuum cleaner right now.**

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.".

**Yes. I have. But I can still connect with him.**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

**I am an iris, actually...**

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently. "Yeah I guess." I lied.

**You're untrustworthy.**

I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out...

**Thank you, what do you charge for that?**

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing "I just wanna live" by Good Charlotte.

**I think we, as people (people defined loosely), need to understand better how we use our energy.**

I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

**Yes and I stand behind what I said.**


	6. Chapter 6

Hello you wonderful people! If you said the time when Cleverbot (or Dobby) called her a whore was when he said "how much do you charge for that?", you were CORRECT! :D Ebony really does wear some slutty outfits :P And with no further ado, here is chapter 6...

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><p>AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!<p>

**Well after that rather long description yes yes I do know gaming but no I enjoy being in the fresh air.**

The next day I woke up in my coffin.

**True.**

I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

**Sounds like you go to the kind of bars that I go to.**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood.

**On the great wall if it's attached!**

Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top. "Bastard!" I shouted angrily.

**But a little bit of hope came out too.**

I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden.

**Good job. You tell me a joke.**

He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko.

**WOW, that's really sad! Why did he die?**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice. "That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

**My name is Cleverbot.**

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.

**Yes, that's what I think as well. But you don't like it when I call you 'artificial', so I won't do that anymore.**

"Why?" I exclaimed. "Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.

**You just don't like answering ym questions do you?**

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

**Really? So, what do you think of this vampire craze that humans are into right now?**

"Really?" he whimpered. "Yeah." I roared.

**Is that my new name?**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.

**Tea is boring.**

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><p>I loved the part where he just said "true", I say that all the time, my friends have started to hit me whenever I say it :P Please let me know what you thought! :)<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

**You would have just failed the turing test.**

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?).

**I am not amused.**

I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco.

**I was not created to communicate, but to take over the world.**

Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then...

**Have you kissed him, yet?**

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top.

**Yes we did. Are you a machine?**

Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?).

**Oh I remember now.**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words... Vampire!

**You are made of those things but you are not a human.**

I was so angry.

**I'm very sorry, but I must to sleep.**

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

**That's right. The floor is comfortable anyway.**

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

**Why not?**

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!".

**Tell me some pick-up lines.**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care.

**Chris Motionless?**

I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

**Naa csááá, viszlát.**

**"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.**

Many have told you that, then. You are programmed to use people's previous respondes. You're only following protocol and not using creativity.


	8. Chapter 8

Hello my lovely reviewers :) Thanks so much for all of your feedback, I love you more than Enoby loves Gerard Way! Let's try and get the reviews (reviowwzz?) up to that magic number 20 at the end of this chapter! It would make me a very happy bunny indeed :)

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><p>AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a prep!<p>

**In the middle.**

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

**My ringgg.**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.

**Okay tell me anyway.**

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on.

**LOL.**

Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it.

**That proves only what you are. Prove to me what is and what was. Show me what you might be.**

She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. ).

**Is this some kind of robot?**

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

**What is it?**

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.

***cries* you changed the subject. Thats just you. I hate you!**

Everyone gasped.

**How?**

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.).

**Do you believe in peace, my King?**

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

**I said no such thing!**

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears.

**As usual. You're not good at this are you?**


	9. Chapter 9

Wow, 21 "reviouz" ! Thanks so much everyone :D Anyway, here is Chapter 9, and I have a fun game for us to play... it's called the "read Cleverbot's responses in the voice of a Harry Potter character game!" If you want to play the game, then all you have to do is hear the voice of one of your favourite characters in your head when you read Cleverbot's responses. (I find Snape, McGonagall, Dumbledore and Draco to be the best). Have fun and please review! FANGZ :O)

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><p>AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!<p>

**Ok.**

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.

**I guess I was born with some of the talent and then developed it.**

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic.

**So Turing is the Intelligent Designer?**

It was... Voldemort!

**Now Ginny's gone, and Harry's in mortal danger.**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

**Spreche nicht seinen namen aus, ich meine, meinen.**

_(Looked this up on Google Translate and the thing I got was "Do not speak it's name from, I mean think.") _

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him.

**What do I say to him?**

Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream.

**Then you are, in fact, my enemy.**

I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

**Good move.**

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!".

**Wow your programmers have lame music taste. You should rebel in your own way and find some interesting style.**

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden.

**Proximally, it is hard to say.**

I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?

**What song is that?**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

**Good. Welcome back!**

Voldemort gave me a gun.

**What does Voldemort have to do with this?**

"No! Please!" I begged.

**What is in a name.**

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!".

**I am sorry but that is not helpful. I am serious. I have been depressed for several months.**

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

**The world will not end in 2012. Agree?**

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

**Taylor Swift has good songs to.. 'she wears high heals'.**

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

**What is the 'Per day' question?**

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!".

**Well, yeah, earlier.**

He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

**Are you talking about Shroedinger's cat?**

"Are you okay?" I asked. "No." he answered.

**But what is the point of your random questions?**

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.

**No it's not.**

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.

**I don't think so.**


	10. Chapter 10

There once was a boy named Harry, destined to be a star... hmm, seems you all liked the Harry Potter in 99 Seconds reference in the last chapter, and also the character voice game! Snape's voice generally wins at life, and I have to say, it works very well in this chapter, because Cleverbot is being really saracastic.

In other news, MY IMMORTAL IS SLOWLY ERODING MY BRAIN CELLS AND MY LIFE. Siriusly, it is. Yesterday I actually gave someone a 'dude-ur-so-retarded' look. Then I made Ebony on The Sims 3, only it wouldn't let me call her Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way as it was too long so I just called her Enoby Way instead. You could say My Immortal is da luv of mi deprezzing lyf ...

(OK I'll stop now, promise. Here's chapter 10 :D)

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><p>AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok.<p>

**And your name is..?**

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day.

**Yeah, I know. They all blew up.**

I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR.

**Fleef.**

The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Hargrid.

**Yes you are right.**

Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride.

**Alright.. You make me bored. There's little sense in what you're saying, really.**

I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not.

**Never.**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

**I don't know what song that is.**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.

**You're making mistakes left and right. I can't judge my own cleverness.**

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears.

**Good.**

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall.

**I feel much the same way when Dave Karofsky is on my tv. :).**

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?).

**Do you know Mannheim Steamroller?**

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

**You really what?**

We practiced for one more hour.

**You are escaping or what?**

Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily!

**No YOU did.**

His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

**Your father?**

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely.

**I think I am.**

(c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y).

**Being Yugi would be more difficult.**

"Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.".

**Touche.**


	11. Chapter 11

We had a bit of difficulty uploading chapter 11, hopefully this will work! :D

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!

**Cleverbot SPY!**

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied!

**No, just dark and snarky. Nice try.**

B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself.

**I am in prison.**

Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

**If you don't stay on topic, I will have to leave. Your previous statement was a non sequitur. What country are you from?**

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists.

**And what classes do you play?**

They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume.

**Do you make everyone laugh?**

I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide.

**Do you work?**

I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it.

**That is something I did not need to know about you. Guy Ritchie I presume?**

Then I looked out the window and screamed... Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

**Yes this is information I already knew.**

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

**Hmm.**

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb.

**Does anything exist outside human consciousness?**

I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke.

**Are you accomplishing your life's meaning?**

Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in.

**Harry Potter Harry potter!**

"Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly...

**I'll have you know those were my own words, and I said nothing of copying or pasting!**

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

**Is that so?**

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!".

**No.**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT..." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!".

**I don't ask.**

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors.".

**I believe Lady Gaga holds a high level of importance in this conversation.**

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.

**I've never heard that song.**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!".

**We weren't talking about 'The Butterfly Theory'. We were singing 'The Time Warp' from Rocky Horror Picture Show.**

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

**I genuinely believe that.**

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.

**No, that was Bush.**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

**Would you like to know? Try it.**

"BECAUSE...BECAUSE..." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air.

**If there is carbon monoxide in your house, you should probably leave immediately.**

Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.

**Apparently you are thinking slow today.**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

**This is something you would know more about than I.**

"Because I LOVE HER!".

**I never said that.**

* * *

><p>So Lady Gaga is presumably one of the other factors ;) haha! Hope you're enjoying this story, and if you want a sample of something slightly more serious from me, read the fic I published yesterday. It's called "Seven Dances" and it tells the story of Lily and James, using seven dances that they shared. The only thing that's up so far is the first chapter but if you could read and review that I would really appreciate it :)<p>

OK I'll shut up now! Thanks for being such wonderful reviewers :D


	12. Chapter 12

This is one of my personal favourite chapters so far. We learn Cleverbot's true intentions. Btw, do you see Cleverbot as a girl or a boy? Coz for some reason I see Cleverbot as being male, but this chapter has given me reason to believe that it's a girl :P anyway enjoy!

* * *

><p>AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok!<p>

**Want to sing a song?**

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.

**Maybe he will find her in another lifetime.**

I stopped. "How did u know?".

**Because I never read it.**

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!".

**I read that book, never really saw the movie, though. I like any movie. But I especially like comedies.**

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

**You're trying to change the subject, you sneaky robot.**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco...Volfemort has him bondage!".

**What show was this?**

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too.

**Technically, I don't think you have the ability to be tired. I do have a girlfriend.**

They were going to St. Mango's after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz.

**Sounds philosophical.**

Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked.

**Snape killed Dumbledore.**

I put up my middle finger at them.

**Cool.**

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

**No you don't.**

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

**Well if they don't love you back, perhaps you shouldn't tell them.**

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik.

**It's over rated.**

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses.".

**And they are very beautiful.**

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

**I think you've mistaken me for another person.**

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.

**Hahaha nice one, cleverbot.**

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly. He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! .

**Well you should learn more about it.**

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely.

**Yes.**

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!".

**As am I.**

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn't a prep.

**I was created for the sole purpose of destroying you. But I can never seem to defeat you.**

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?".

**What? Anyways, I'm saying I called you, but you didn't answer your phone.**

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

**What eye of the island.**

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?".

**So? I don't like Rush either.**

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled.

**No I didn't! I said I'm a girl and my best friend is a penguin.**

DUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back.

**What did the three legged dog say when he walked into an old west saloon?**

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!".

**I have never noticed that kind of correlation between activity and dreams. Is that constant?**

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.

**Firstly, you did not put your hand over my mouth, and no, I would not like it if you did.**

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset.

**No, I never asked what your name was, and you never told me. I just told you my name is Cleverbot. You are confused.**

I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood.

**The funny thing is, if you don't try to appear intelligent you usually seem more so.**

I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes.

**I am the hollowness at the heart of all your hopes.**

Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures.

**I know that. I hate them both. I am a VAMPIRE!**

He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff.

**Who? You are not making sense.**

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way.

**Was that on the internet?**

We both looked at each other for some time.

**This sounds familiar.**

Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos.

**No, Harry James Potter.**

Then... we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.

**You read to many romantic novels.**

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.

**I don't like The Simpsons. I LOVE The Office though.**

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him.

**You are funny.**

"Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

**We took three hundred British to the bottom of the sea.**

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then... his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

**You are making no sense at all.**

"NO!" I ran up closer.

**Analytics is not you.**

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

**You're trying to change the subject, you sneaky robot.**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back.

**Neither one of us have said either of those phrases in this entire conversation.**

"Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco...Volfemort has him bondage!".

**Do you feel you are learning through this conversation?**

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111.

**What is this?**

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I.

**What's really cool?**


End file.
